"Women are less receptive to divisive ideologies"

Mass rapes are the last stage of hate and dehumanisation. Nobody is born a rapist or filled with hate. The onus for making hate socially acceptable lies with military strategies and policies of extermination. Colonialisation led to a division, which was followed by violence and conflicts. Women became the designated enemy. Destroying women signified destroying life – the perfect method to exterminate an ethnic group.

Yes. War is based on an ideology that degrades opponents to the level of animals or objects that must be eliminated. Violence against women follows this ideology.

He is a man who was not loved. He is cold and unfeeling. He has issues with the whole world, and women bear the brunt of his hate. The leaders were the ones who first instigated the masses to destroy the women of the enemy so as to wipe out that community. In societies today, where social ties and the psycho-social fabric have been destroyed, where norms and values have fallen by the wayside, opportunistic criminals exploit the situation to satisfy their lust for power.

They have been humiliated, lost all semblance of self-esteem and are considered worthless by their husbands. They are deeply wounded and at risk of harming others. They feel intense hatred, which they vent on their children, men and neighbours. Or they feel helpless and turn to an omnipotent God for solace. They then spend the entire day praying and neglect their family obligations.

In 1996, when I was a professor at the National University of Rwanda, some women and girls came to consult me. They had symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): crying, sadness, anger, violence, isolation, refusal to talk, fear, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Many suffered from a complete loss of reality. Individual therapy would help them for a few days, but at home the effect soon vanished. They told me that people ridiculed and rebuffed them.

In an environment that is characterised by collective fragility, individual healing will always be jeopardised by those who are still in pain. The only way for there to be lasting healing is by healing together. The community-based psycho-social approach is based on the premise that even vulnerable societies possess the resources to emerge from a state of collapse if communication and solidarity prevail. The members of such a society know better than anyone else how their problems can be solved. All that they need is a safe space in which they can share their problems and find common solutions.

In the first, participants become aware of their pain and that of others by developing active listening and empathy. They go through a process of grieving and delve into their current feelings in relation to the past. This is followed by a process of forgiveness and reconciliation involving oneself and others, thereby restoring healthy relationships. The aim is to be at peace with the pain of the past and, as far as possible, to stop feeling anger against the person responsible for the pain by separating the person from the crime. Finally, all participants commit to specific targets for change in their future lives. A workshop lasts for five days. The entire process takes 2.5 years on average.

It is a twisting path and the process is demanding. Often, the victims are suffering so much that they simply want to drop their burden and forgive the rapist to be able to regain inner peace. After completing the workshops, participants are able to cope with their emotions, live with their trauma and rebuild their lives. They mutually help and heal one another.

Thanks to their menstrual cycle, women are always imbued with life. So they never collapse entirely. Men, on the other hand, are more aggressive because of their hormones and must rest when they have used up their energy. Resilience is linked to the meaningfulness of life, which keeps us going. Moreover, women are less receptive to divisive ideologies. They place greater emphasis on relationships and so they nurture the art of coexistence. They are better at fostering peace within a community. In Rwanda, it is the women who began to rebuild. They are the ones writing history.